It's Not About Me

So, if you've read Trav's blog, you know that we have currently been asked to lead the youth group here at our church in a volunteer position through January. We are really thrilled, honored, and cautiously excited to get involved with the students here. We met together with two of the pastors on staff to talk a little more about the details and what they're hoping for and what Trav and I are hoping for and I left feeling excited, hopeful, and of course a little overwhelmed at the task before us.
I had to leave the meeting early to pick up the kids from my mom's and Trav stayed for youth group tonight so I'm anxious to hear how it went and what he thinks! So here's my speel(sp?) and why it's not about me. I say that I'm all for part time church positions and also working another part time job in the community, but now that it's here, I struggle with the sacrifice of time and money to our family. I say that I'm all for a "simpler" existence, but what if this arrangement entails us continuing to live in this tiny space at my parents' house for a number of years, not just for a "sabbatical" year b/c we can't afford a place of our own. Am I for simpler living now? And with a great attitude? Am I all talk, or do I truly have faith in the one Great Provider that he knows our needs and his provision and timing are perfect?
My life isn't about me and my comfort and my security in physical provision, and yet when we are given this opportunity to serve, my first thoughts immediately all go to me, my family, how it will impact us, what about living on our own again, blah, blah, blah. Of course you have to think about family and make plans, but am I laying my family and those plans on the altar before God and asking him to direct? Am I willing to follow where he's directing if it's mirky and unsure? I just want to snatch it all back and have my ducks in a row you know? Sometimes you construct these dreams of what you think your life should look like and it doesn't always turn out that way, but perhaps they weren't God's dreams for you anyway. Living out your faith and letting go is just really hard sometimes.